Receiving Negative Feedback Without Shutting Down or Blowing Up: Using Improv to Filter the Sting and Find the Offer

by Holly Mandel

Every workplace has its share of feedback — sometimes it’s supportive, sometimes it stings. What separates people who grow from those who get stuck isn’t the feedback itself, but what they do with it. Improv points us to the same truth: you don’t get to choose every offer that comes your way, only how you respond. And learning to meet those moments without shutting down is where the real growth happens.

From resisting to receiving

One of the biggest lessons from improv is that you can’t control where a scene goes. Try to force it, and you end up ruining the whole thing. (and believe me, I've been there!) What works instead is showing up with full attention, accepting what’s right in front of you, and building from there.

Improvisers practice this orientation over and over. Whatever your partner offers, whether you like it or not, you accept it as the reality of the scene. You don’t waste energy judging the offer. You use it as fuel for the next step.

That same orientation is incredibly useful when receiving feedback at work.

Instead of clinging to your idea of how you did, or shutting down because the feedback doesn’t match your self-image or impression of how you did, improv teaches you to focus on what’s been offered. To step back from the sting, value the input, and ask: how can I use this as the next step forward?

Why we shut down (and why it’s normal)

It helps to remember that shutting down is a normal response. No one likes being told they fell short, especially if they were trying hard. The brain reads it as a threat, stress hormones come flooding in, and before we know it, automatic "fight-flight-or-freeze" takes over.

The danger isn’t the reaction itself, it’s staying stuck in it, or worse -- express it, in all its unfiltered glory. When we descend into spirals of self-criticism (“I’m terrible at this”) or defensive anger (“They don’t get it”), we lose the ability to listen, learn, and respond productively.

Once again, improv offers a different path!! And one with very different results.

The “Yes, And” approach to feedback

Here’s how to use improv principles in the moment:

1. Say “Yes” to the reality. Not as in “yes, you’re right,” more like “yes, I hear you.” Your goal is to first confirm your understanding. For example: “Just so I’m clear, you felt I wasn’t prepared enough for the meeting, and I fumbled Steve’s question — did I get that right?”

This keeps you engaged and conscious, instead of retreating into old patterns.

2. Add the “And.” Once you’ve acknowledged the feedback, build on it. That might sound like: “And I want to make sure that doesn’t happen again. Can you tell me what would have looked more prepared from your perspective?”

“And” signals openness. It creates space for dialogue instead of defensiveness.

3. Stay curious. Improv thrives on curiosity, following unexpected turns to see where they lead. Feedback works the same way. Even if you disagree, ask yourself: What’s useful here? What can I learn about how I’m being seen?

Curiosity keeps you in the middle zone: not overreacting, not shutting down, just present and engaged.

4. Take the next step. In improv, you don’t need to know the whole plot. You just need to take the next step with what’s in front of you. The same is true with feedback. You don’t have to resolve it on the spot. You just have to move it forward. That might mean asking for an example, committing to a small change, or saying you’ll reflect and circle back.

If you are confused, you could ask a trusted colleague for guidance. Or, if someone else was present, you could ask their honest read on the situation -- not to prove the case that you are "right", more to help fill out a picture that you may have missed.

The middle zone: conscious, engaged, curious

The goal isn’t to be unflappable or immune to criticism, we know that’s unrealistic. The goal is to stay in the middle zone: awake, engaged, curious, and open to resolution.

That resolution might come later, after you’ve had time to think. What matters is that in the moment, you didn’t flare up or shut down. You stayed present enough to keep the conversation going.

And that’s where growth happens. I once got a tea bag with a quote on it that has stuck with me --

GROWTH is defined as the interest and ability to hear and see the truth, and then respond to it.

Sounds pretty good to me.