Developing Empathy: Impact Over Intention
I was recently asked to share my journey with empathy as an entrepreneur and leader. Here’s what I’ve learned.
Empathy is fascinating—it’s not about being “good” or “kind” all the time. In my experience, when empathy seems missing, it’s often because we’re focused on our intention—what we meant to do or say—rather than the impact we actually had on someone else. That gap can cause real harm, even when intentions are good.
Over time, especially in leadership roles—managing teams, running projects, directing events—I realized my words and actions could unintentionally hurt, even if I thought I was being constructive. Sometimes I focused on mistakes instead of seeing the full context, like “throwing the baby out with the bathwater.” Leadership forced me to slow down and examine how I communicate, how I manage people, and how my presence affects others.
I learned a few truths along the way:
Leadership magnifies impact. Being “in charge” means your words and actions ripple farther. Focusing only on intentions isn’t enough—you must consider how your actions land.
Self-awareness is foundational. I had to understand my own triggers, instincts, and decision-making patterns. If I’m reactive or defensive, I can’t truly connect with others.
Mistakes are teachers. Real empathy grows when you’ve been humbled by your own errors and confronted the impact of your actions. Accountability opens the door to understanding others’ experiences.
I also learned that hierarchical thinking—assuming those at the top have the full picture—is limiting. Teams function more like Venn diagrams than ladders, with overlapping spheres of knowledge. As a leader, my impact touches many circles, and that comes with responsibility.
Another profound teacher? Improv. In improv business training, you can’t succeed alone. You prioritize the group over yourself. You read people, adapt, and care about what others are trying to achieve. It trains you to notice your effect on the team in real time. The magic is that empathy grows naturally—not because you try harder, but because the practice demands it.
If you want to develop empathy, start here: Pay attention. Ask yourself:
“What was the impact of what I just said or did?”
That question changed everything for me. Empathy isn’t just a skill—it’s an ongoing, experiential journey. The more I focus on the impact of my actions rather than my intentions, the more I can truly connect, lead, and care for the people around me.
